August 26th, 2004

Subject: sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs Time: 10:04 pm

every single one of you desperately needs to pick up a copy of Drugs, Sex, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. he is a genius ... someone who really speaks the truth of what we all believe and dont want to admit to ourselves. a couple of sentences from the back of the book that i believe sum up a lot: "Klosterman attacks the entire spectrum of postmodern America: reality tv, internet porn, pamela anderson, literary jesus freaks, and the real difference between apples and oranges (of which there is none). and dont even get him started on his love life and the whole harry-met-sally situation."

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July 31st, 2004

Time: 12:54 am

HELLO I'M THE MOST BORING JOURNAL ENTRY EVER. (i thought i should top that last one off) (sorry - i humor only myself)

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Subject: hubba hubba Time: 12:49 am

long time no ... write? well my computer is broken and has been for quite awhile now. i'm on my mom's at the momento. a lot has happened so instead of trying to recap let's just say that i am awesome and leave it at that. but i miss playing around on the computer so you have to deal with me talking about nothing just so i can type. hehe - yes i am the revenge master ... I DONT CARE IF YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG! --- DID I ASK YOU WHAT COLOR YOUR CATS EYES WERE!?!? --- ok, so i know you all have no idea what i'm talking about but whatever. anyway ... i have nothing to write about because i'm extremely happy with my life right now and everybody knows that if you dont have anything to complain about then you dont have anything to write about. so i'll just leave it at that and allow this to be the most boring journal entry ever.

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May 31st, 2004

Subject: a kick will help, right? Time: 07:29 pm

my computer is being a little bitch - it's not being as bad now as it has been doing but it keeps randomly shutting off - little bitch. oh well. i haven't written in awhile. things are going really well - for the most part. my summer is going really well so far. but yeah ... i'm going to go now.

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May 20th, 2004

Subject: sumertime and the livings easy Time: 08:20 pm

and the ever awaited for summer is here. it's going to be the greatest!

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May 6th, 2004

Current Music: MSi Subject: **sings** working at the car wash ... Time: 07:42 pm Current Mood: happy

so me and melanie had a car washing party today - our cars are oh so beautiful ... especially hers. 72 beatles are oh so nice ... especially when they're spotlessly clean. i'm so proud of us - as stupid as that may sound. but yeah ... other than that nothing else thats much new. i'm sort of dating this guy adam. we went to show him melanies car and hung out with him for a minute. and he was skipping to take something somewhere and it was really cute ... my first not-forced-liking-in-the-not-friends-way. it happens ...

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May 5th, 2004

Current Music: MSi Subject: **sings** i wanna lick your brains out Time: 08:19 pm Current Mood: amused

haha - angela has a hot date - :) ... you know i love you ....

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April 29th, 2004

Current Music: msi Subject: dancing with myself Time: 08:13 pm Current Mood: energetic

god - i'm in such a good mood. yummmm ... mindless self indulgence ..... so i watched yellow submarine for the first time today - me and angela are definitely going to watch that when we do shrooms. it's going to be so kick ass. and yeah - i'm going to go thrash about now ...

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April 28th, 2004

Current Music: we did it all for don - against me! Subject: just forgot my confustion Time: 08:02 pm Current Mood: relieved

so ... melanie got a kitten today - and it's super cute - all gray and fuffy - and we named her noxema - it's awesome. and i got some pictures developed that i've been meaning to get developed for forever. a couple of them were of zach from way back when when we were actually dating. and then a lot were of breanna - and i'm pretty sure that was when i was sort of dating her too. she's so cute. but yeah. and i'm finally getting sort of back to my normal self. there's still a few things that havent gone back to normal. but for the most part i'm starting to enjoy myself again and am not quite as frustrated with EVERYTHING anymore. so so good.

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April 27th, 2004

Subject: four Time: 01:08 am

Please tell me why - I will fight to live for one last night One more moment by your side A memory I will have as the stars fade away as the light leaves your face And I will reach a begging hand Where your shadow used to rest Hope a glimpse will reappear Dream of one more kiss one more breath that will send a flutter down my spine And my heart will beat again Please tell me why - I search for you among faces that have all blended into one Can't tell my memory from dreams Did you leave or was it me Peek from behind dusty blinds Is that you by my side with flowers in your hair and a suicide smile Do you remember sheepish grins And clutching onto life Believing in something Trying to make things right Please tell me why - I will fight for one last night A whisper in the wind The clouds to disappear Please tell my why - I will search for one more moment by your side

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April 26th, 2004

Subject: aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Time: 07:29 pm Current Mood: sad

so i just found out that corin wants to divorce my brother - and my big bro's really upset - which is understandable ... and i already feel sorry for lenox - he'll never remember his parents being together.

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April 25th, 2004

Current Music: poe Subject: and a-proming we will go ... Time: 01:41 pm Current Mood: melancholy

so ... prom sucked major fucking ass. never am i going to prom with straight girls ever again - except for gay prom in two weeks which doesn't really count because it's not a prom-prom, if you get what i mean. but yeah - i have never felt so unappreciated and unwanted in my entire life. fun. but what did i expect? that's how i've been feeling around them in general lately. but whatever. i'm so tired of all this shit. i keep telling myself to just hold out until summer - everything will be better in the summer - but i really doubt that - it'll probably just get worse. oh well.

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April 22nd, 2004

Subject: three Time: 07:15 pm

my brain spins around i'm finding it hard to resist this cold metal ecstasy blood in my mouth what did you eat today? were they red or blue? did they slide down nicely? is your world a bit fuzzy? i saw you today with your hair in your face your heart in your stomach your stomach on the ground what did you eat today? did it pump on its way down? did it fight for its life? did it burn your insides? i saw you today no care in the world but the hope for some love to find and destroy what did i eat today? was it shiny and new? did it bite my mind? did it shatter my world?

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April 21st, 2004

Subject: two Time: 08:12 pm

Hello Doctor Lady - Are you here to tell me? What's my diagnonsense? What's my meds for today? A teaspoon of sugar and a sack-o-love? All my prescriptions have already been filled I'm still waiting for my cure - A conscience A glowing soul Tell me Doctor Lady - Are you ready for this? Are they ready for me? Tell me Doctor Lady - What's my diagnonsense?

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April 19th, 2004

Current Music: !!! - 69 fingers Subject: handcuffs ... kinky Time: 04:42 pm Current Mood: apathetic

eh - i dont really have anything to say ... i just didnt feel like starting my homework. i got bored - so i put on my handcuffs - :) ... fun. so i'm typing with handcuffs on because i'm a loser. i want to do something ... like make presents for people ... but i dont have the stuff for that. i want to do something that will make people smile at me again. i'm tired of the mean looks - and even more tired of the mean words. all this shit i keep doing wrong, i dont mean to do. most of the things i've been doing wrong are things that i've been doing just because i care about people - and then it turns into me being some big bitch or something. i dont understand. but whatever - i dont give a shit anymore.

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April 15th, 2004

Subject: one Time: 03:08 pm

crawl into my hole - skin sticking to the damp concrete patches of dirt falling from the ceiling and walls old fingernails and clumps of hair old memories ... lasting friendship i can't feel it here - the warm pressure trying to seep in the moist breeze reaching my pulse as i stare into the never-ending black the fluttering confusion gripping my insides i know you - i've known you my whole life though you were never there you're that skipped heartbeat that twinkle in an eye the butterflies trying to errupt from the acid-filled chamber where they're kept i must not feel you all my senses gone to hell bring back the heartbeat, dull the twinkle, trap the butterflies i must not know you

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April 14th, 2004

Current Music: weezer Subject: goat Time: 03:17 pm Current Mood: good

hmm ... and once again i'm supposed to be working on my homework - but i'm not. go figure. but i must get a little done because i promised myself that if i got some homework done today then i can go hang out with angela - oh the acts of self bribery. but yeah - meara called me last night to apologize for the attack at spectrum. which was very much appreciated. we didnt really talk long - just a couple of minutes - but i consider her apology one of the nicest things shes ever done toward me. i suppose that sounds really stupid - but its true. but i'm going to go now and work on some good ole physics homework - yummm ...

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April 11th, 2004

Current Music: tsunami bomb Subject: when do you think you'll breathe Time: 08:56 pm Current Mood: numb

i dont know how i feel. escape is good for that. but at least things look prettier now - for a bit. i suppose if i was feeling anything right now it would be that sinking feeling that i should die. but i'm thinking of good things at the moment. i had a good day at work. i spent twenty or so minutes in brads car (not what you're thinking) - we just drove around until we found a place to buy devon some cigars. but i got brads address today because i told him that as soon as i had the money to buy pretty stationary i was going to write him a letter. but yeah - thats pretty much the jist of it at the moment.

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April 9th, 2004

Subject: to high to die Time: 09:07 pm Current Mood: high

so i broke down today - well actually last night and today - the first time in a long time. just not liking how things are going in my life - been like that for awhile - and i finally really broke down. i dont think angela and melanie knew what to do. i dont know what they could have done. i think the last time i had one that bad was in seventh grade. i was going to leave from melanies because of it and i was walking out to my car and i just colapsed because i knew that if i went home i was going to kill myself - and i didnt have anywhere else to go. so i sat in the grass for a few minutes and cried. then i went back inside. but now i'm home and would be a threat to myself i suppose, but once again ive gotten paid to get high. thats what little caesars is good for. i guess i'll deal with myself some tomorrow or something.

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April 6th, 2004

Subject: strongly recommend Time: 04:39 pm

everyone should read one flew over the cuckoo's nest by ken kesey. i just got done reading it and its one of the best books i've ever read. it will change the way you look at everyone.

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